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Av kozel baran - 7 maj 2011 15:49

Det intressanta är hur hur varje nation har sin egen bestående undertecknande: vi har våra mockney gangsters, Frankrike tenderar att utforska korruption i lagen, Japan och Italien handlar med epically stora, organiserade kriminella outfits. Men det är Sydkorea som kanske har den mest intressanta: hämnd thriller. Medan du kunde tro att genren skulle vara alla spelat ut nu, såg jag The Devil visar på styrkan i många av de välkända drag genom att trycka dem till ytterligheter. En gravid fästman i en statlig agent blir det senaste offret för ett särskilt kall och hemsk seriemördare (Oldboy's Choi Min-sik). Agenten ägnar sitt liv inte bara för att spåra upp mördaren utan också känslan samma hjälplöshet och skräck som hans offer. För att göra detta måste han acceptera att han också kommer att bli ett monster, men när han gör sin sorg löfte han har ingen aning om hur långt (och långtgående) saker kommer att bli. Direktör Kim Ji-Woon har visat sig med sådana tidigare filmer som det övernaturliga A Tale of Two Sisters och löjligt underhållande pseudo-Western The Good The Bad And The Weird att han är en regissör som vet vad han gör, så du måste lita på honom och hans full styrka leverans här.

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Av kozel baran - 7 maj 2011 15:47

En fitta är en ros är en fitta . Detta är titeln på en Tracey Emin monoprint från 2000. Det är en liggande kvinna naken, ben och bål prydligt vikta bort ovanför bröstet och vid fotleden och shin nivå, en kropp sluttande bakåt från benen i högläge nedåt, så att, som hölls levande och framträdande mitt i centrum av ritningen, det är inte bara den vibrerande Smeta ut och klottra kvinnliga genitalier, men också en känsla av något fast som härrör från den, en form skära i luften, som gjorts av skurk i övre knä och linjen i underben.

"En fitta är en ros är en fitta" är Emins omarbetning av den berömda / beryktade linje från Gertrude Stein 1913 dikt "Sacred Emily": "ros är en ros är en ros är en ros". Detta var förmodligen inspirerad i sin tur av Julias kommentar om Romeo namn, 300 år före Stein: "Vad betyder ett namn - det som vi kallar ros / med något annat namn skulle dofta så söt?" (Och Shakespeare var en författare inte främmande för att de udda ordlek med ordet "fitta" själv). Vad skulle Stein, den stora litterära försöksledaren, har gjort av Emins textförbättring? Här är vad hon sa år 1935 när några studenter i Chicago frågade henne om det:

Lyssna nu. Kan du inte se att när språket var ny - som det var med Chaucer och Homer - poeten kan använda namnet på en sak och den saken var verkligen där. Han kunde säga "O måne", "O hav", "O kärlek", och månen och havet och kärlek verkligen var där? Och kan du inte se att efter hundratals år hade gått och tusentals dikter hade skrivit, kunde han kalla på sådana ord och upptäcker att de bara var utslitna litterär ord? Den excitingness ren som hade lämnat dem, de var bara ganska gammal litterär ord. Nu poet har att arbeta i excitingness av rent varande, han har att få tillbaka den intensiteten i språket. Vi vet alla att det är svårt att skriva poesi på en sen ålder, och vi vet att du måste lägga en del underliga, som något oväntat, i strukturen av meningen för att få tillbaka vitalitet. . . Nu ni alla har sett hundratals dikter om rosor och du vet i ditt ben att rosen inte är där. Alla de låtar som sopraner sjunga som extranummer om "jag har en trädgård! Åh, vad en trädgård!" . . .Lyssna nu! Jag är ingen idiot. Jag vet att i det dagliga livet vi inte går runt och sa "... Är en... Är en... Är en..." Ja, jag är inte dum, men jag tror att i den linjen rosen röd för första gången på engelska poesi i hundra år.

Den "can't-du-se?" av detta. De krav på "lyssna". Det upprepade omedelbarhet - nu, nu, nu. Betoningen på vikten och spänningen av aliveness, intensiteten. Fokus på egendomlighet, under förutsättning att något underligt som förs in i strukturen av saker förnyar saker: Stein är inte en dålig lins genom vilken se Emins egen praxis. För Emin ett ord som "fitta" är spännande flera. I hennes arbete som det spänner över hela spektrumet av resonans, från bekräftelse, fest, kraftfulla uppriktighet till obehag, förolämpning och mundanity, via de fortfarande spännande pulsen i just-inte-sa, och alla samtidigt, alla i rotation av en upprepning, formen ett ord nedskärningar i tid. Det finns också, här, kinden, wit av hennes återta på Steins steg, eftersom säkert Stein vet att en ros betyder mer än bara en ros. "Och senare", Stein säger om hennes ring av ord, "vad har jag gjort? Jag smekte helt smekte och riktat ett substantiv." Emin är också en caresser och adresser när det kommer till verbala och konceptuella visshet och oklarheter. Inneboende tvetydighet är något hon är väl medveten om om man tittar på bilden, från samma år som en fitta är en ros är en fitta , heter jag har allt , där hon sitter med benen utspärrade öppna, kramade anteckningar och mynt till hennes fitta som om antingen kontant exploderar ur henne i Fairground fruktsamhet, rinner ut som om hon är en jätte frukt maskin, eller hon är i agera av examensplugg den i sig själv.

Men saken Emin är att hon är riktigt bra med ord. Kanske ingen, förrän nu, har så strömförande, förstås, synlig, möjligheterna till detta, kraftfulla ord: fitta. Delvis så energigivande är konst ansvar, en som fungerar, med hjälp av vad WG Sebald kallar "hålla tro med obekväm, förbjudna språk", att ifrågasätta, förstå och, med lite tur, överskrider proscriptions och inarticulacies oavsett tid vi råkar lever i. Det finns en parallell i Emins punk Tillägget av ordet "jävla" i konstruera "röda, vita och blå" i hennes neon 2002, röd, vit och Fucking Blue , där ordet "röd" är röd neon, med ordet "vitt" och "&" är vita neon, och orden "Fucking" och "Blue" är blå neon, och föreslå allt som kan göra att du känner blå (i alla bemärkelser av ordet) i klichébilden av den konceptet att vara brittisk. Plus, det är hennes allmänna demokratisera det totala anspråkslöshet - till exempel i en av hennes prinsessan Diana monoprints av 1999, till vilken hon skriver "oavsett klass eller status ingen kvinna förtjänar vad thoes fittor sätta dig igenom - kärlek var på din sida. " Med Emin är konst om artikulation: dess frågor, omöjligheter och framför allt, den smidighet och föränderlighet i registret. Samtidigt är det verkligen mycket brittiskt, påminner om något lite Lawrentian. Mellors, det nära till naturen Skogvaktaren i Lady Chatterleys älskare (1928) - en roman som handlar om prat, och den övre, nedre, den tjattrande klasserna - kan byta retoriska register med lätthet, att prata med hans penis en minut (" Ja, th "kinden på dig! fitta, det är vad tha're efter. Berätta Lady Jane tha vill fitta"), i nästa stund skrattande aforistisk till Constance Chatterley ("Blest vara slips som binder våra hjärtan i släkt kärlek"). Något i den här liknar den mångsidiga blixtsnabba övergången från ÖVERMÄTTA till kanten, från frän till känslor och tillbaka igen, i Emins arbete, neon vara trogen dina drömmar (1998) bredvid Bra Smile Great Come (2000) bredvid min fitta är våt av FEAR (1998) bredvid Kärleken är vad du vill (2011). (På andra håll i hennes arbete Emin har spelat denna sista som Kärlek är vad du brukar .)

Något i den är förebådade också i arbetet genom banbrytande författare som Angela Carter, ett geni av verbala och berättande regenerering samt textförbättring, och den amerikanska post-beat författaren Kathy Acker, vars banbrytande, anarkistiskt 1978 nya blod och inälvor i High School är också ett verk av ord och bilder med dess grafiska genital ritningar, inklusive en av blygdläpparna märkt undertill i skrivmaskin typsnitt "Min fitta röd usch". (Acker påverkades i sin tur av 1960-talet och 70-talet feministiska performancekonstnärer, till exempel Carolee Schneemann, vars ena praxis var att dra en rullade rulla ut från hennes vagina sedan läsa upp det som stod på den.) På något sätt Emin går utöver , med henne, det är som om Warhol och Valerie Solanas rullades in av samma person, men minus hans hållning av snedställda och spaciness, minus den våldsamma oföränderlighet i hennes politiska inriktning. Något annat, något oväntat och svårt att artikulera händer.Som Jennifer Doyle säger, om att titta på Emins upprepade grafiska versioner av vad Courbet kallar "världens uppkomst", "Jag kunde inte låta bli att tänka:" Är inte detta hur Judy Chicago och Georgia O'Keeffe är tänkt att göra jag känner mig (men inte )?'".

Emin öra för rätt ord på rätt plats och för resonanser "riktighet" och "wrongness" i ord och plats, är på grundval av hennes konst. Ta henne spela på mening i par neons, Är Anal Sex Rättsliga och är lagligt Sex Anal (båda 1998), så enkel och så komplexa på en gång, så centralt om hur (och var) orden betyder, och så kvick om förbudet, med nyanser också av Lewis Carrolls Alice lättjefullt faller ner i kaninhålet i en dvala funderat göra katter äter fladdermöss, göra fladdermöss äter katter?"Och vad är användningen av en bok", tänkte Alice, "utan bilder eller en konversation?" Emin - medan hon tar direkt upp till ytan allt, inklusive överlevnad, freudiansk egendomlighet, barn / vuxen sexualitet och innocences, som går osagt eller stanna kvar undermedvetna i arbetet av en författare som Carroll - dras till den plats där mening och konsumtion möts, fascineras av de samtal som sker när ord och bild möts, en dialog de ​​flesta av oss komma över så fort vi först tittar på böcker. "Jag älskar att skriva, säger hon. "Jag tror att varje konstnär har en ryggrad till vad de gör. För vissa kan det vara fotografi, måleri, förmågan att göra en formell skulptur står, men för mig är det skriftligt." För henne är konsten språk och, som hon uttryckte det i pressmeddelandet för sin allra första utställning, "konst har alltid varit en stor del av tiden, en mystisk kodad språk. Och jag är bara inte en kodad person.. . Det du ser är vad jag är. "

Denna anspråkslöshet har gjort Emin en nationell symbol. Hennes uncodedness, hennes uppriktighet, hennes direkt användning av sitt eget liv i hennes arbete, har gjort henne ett slutförvar, i media och i viss mån i allmänhetens ögon, för alla som är omtvistat i samtidskonsten. Det är lätt att avfärda, förenklat, hennes komplexa och andas användning av själv-porträtt som ego-prat. Men saken är det nej sätter ner henne. Det finns ingen minskning av Emin. Oavsett hur - eller hur mycket - media strängar upp henne (en minut galning, nästa den nya William Blake), bedriver sitt arbete nationen, och har haft det nu för mer än 20 år, i en dialog om konst och liv och delning mellan båda. Det gör detta på vad som kan kallas ett språk-känslig plats. Hon är mångsidig, mångfacetterad, estetiskt oändligt mångsidig, det finns ingen form hon kommer inte att försöka. På något sätt ingenting uppställer henne.

Från Blakes belysta böcker till Stevie Smith är konstigt, kärnfulla små illustrerade verser, från Fra Angelico till Magritte inte-pipe, från de fruktansvärda ökad spänning i Charlotte Salomons Leben? oder Theater? till Gilbert & George's Dirty Words Bilder : konstnärer och författare har arbetat i århundraden med vad som händer när text och bildkonst möts. För Emin, det är en annan av hennes många olika dialog.I ett av hennes monoprints, en flicka klädd i högklackade skor, med en smutsfläck på ett ansikte, står bredvid orden "hund" och "hjärnor". Är hon säger det om sig själv? Är hon hört det sägas om sig själv? Den instabilitet gör något momentan till något piercing och skam.

I sin bok dem som lider älskar (2009), 11 monoprints av Emin av en kvinna onanerar åtfölja texten som en rastlös flickerbook, men upprepade förändringar av kroppen upp mot texten gör texten levande, medan själva texten, ibland banal, ibland rolig, ibland ångestfylld, gnuggar sig mot kroppen att göra det hela både patetiskt och tillfredsställande. Dess titel, ett uttalande i sin egen rätt och ett adjektiv fras, är en typisk Emin reflexiv. Beaktas noggrant, blir det mer än sig själv, på samma sätt som titeln på hennes berömda tält-arbete, Alla jag någonsin legat med 1963-1995 (1995) spelas på frasen: s vardagligt sexuella innebörd och var skälmskt, allvarligt, bokstavligen , en lista över alla hon någonsin hade somnat bredvid.

Jag undrar om, tillsammans med My Bed och nu förlorat Alla jag någonsin legat med 1963-1995 (som förstördes i Momart brand 2004, och som Emin vägrar att remake), en av Emins mest bestående bilder kommer att bli fotografiet Monument Valley (stor skala) (1995-1997). I den artist är utanför centrum, sitter i öknen på en gammal ljus-grön stol vars sidor är klädda med oranga kantband, så mycket i förgrunden att den stora plattor av Monument berg miniatyriserade bakom henne, med den breda blå himmel över hennes bara något skråmat med moln, ordet "tack" som förekommer bakom hennes högra ben och en bok som heterExploration of the Soul i sina händer, öppna som om hon är på väg att ge en behandling. Hon tittar rakt på oss. Hennes blick är direkt men distanserad - slug, allvarligt. Det är både tyst och löftet om rösten i den.Det finns en väntande, en diskret öppenhet.

Boken är en hon skrev i 10 dagar, en självbiografisk, skriven med den undersökta råhet som Emin har nu blivit känd. I början av 90-talet turnerade hon Amerika, som ger värden till alla som kom för att höra, sittande på sin resa berättare stol, som var en gåva till henne från hennes mormor (det ursprungligen tillhört hennes farfars mor), som hon lappade med namnen av de platser hon besökte, som en resväska.Stolen är nu en utställning i sin egen rätt ( Det finns en massa pengar i stolar , 1994). Det är en dialog själv i form av en stol, en som håller sin egen berättelse form mellan Emin och hennes mormor, mellan förr och nu historia. Arbetet handlar om en tjej som kommer av ålder genom legender sin engelska mor och hennes turkcypriotiska far, deras material och motgångar, då flickans egna fruktansvärda tidig sexualisering, först av missbruk, därefter av våldtäkt, vid en ålder av 13, i händerna på en lokal man, väl någon känd för att ha "brutit hos flickor". "När jag kom hem, mamma sa min," Tracey, vad är det med dig? ' Jag visade henne min rock, smuts och fläckar, och sa till henne "Jag är inte oskuld längre."Hon ville inte ringa polisen eller göra något krångel. Hon bara tvättade min jacka och allt som bedrivs som vanligt, som om ingenting hade hänt. " Undersökning av Soul avslutas med berättelsen om Emin vid sju års ålder att gå till en barn- part, från vilken hon skickas hem eftersom "du inte har en inbjudan". Nästa morgon barnet Emin frågar sin mamma: "Vad är en inbjudan?" Det är en modell fabel av utanförskap, om hur språket i sig används för att utesluta.

Emin är en stor återvinnare. Mycket av Exploration of the Soul visas igen i hennes bok "memoarer och bekännelser" Strangeland (2005), ett verk av eko och resonans och skriva om, i vilket - som i hennes video-diktVarför jag aldrig blev dansare (1995) - Hon arbetar med en upprepande struktur, en som skiftar från abjektionen till makt och förändring. I den förklarar hon: "Du behöver inte vara född med bollar att ha bollar."

Genom sin egen myndighet, skriver Emin med en gåva av smält subjektivitet och objektivitet som påminner om en författare som Nell Dunn (Titlarna på vars 1960 romaner Up the Junction och Poor Cow läsa nu nästan som titlar på Emin verk). Dunn, en högborgerlig flicka som lämnade delstaten att södra London och skrev med det som visade sig vara en omvälvande brist på judgmentalism om de arbetande klasserna, har en talang för fusing grovhet och skönhet till något på en gång fragmentariska och hela, sett både utifrån och inne samtidigt.

"Istället för att känna på utsidan, insåg jag att det fanns en utomstående och det kallades" att vara konstnär "." Strangeland s första bild, av hennes födelse, är ett spädbarn vision mellan död och liv, på något sätt fel, tonlös: "När Jag föddes de trodde jag var död. Paulus kom först, tio minuter före mig... jag bara rullas ut, små och gula... jag på något sätt kände ett misstag hade begåtts. Jag kunde inte skrika eller gråta eller argumentera min fall... De satte mig i ett litet glas låda och sakta kom jag runt. " Dess slutliga bilden, av den vuxna Emin i Egypten längtan att krossa genom glasmonter i en grav och ta i hennes famn en "liten mumifierade foster" är en av ren empati. "Dead i tusentals år, inte helt bildas, men han hade själ. Han fortfarande hade själ", skriver konstnären som vet vad ande är, som kan gå från ordet "berusad" till ordet "själ", från berusning till metafysik, inom loppet av ett enda band av material, och hålla dem båda i lika hög grad ( Drunk till botten av min själ , 2002).

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Av kozel baran - 7 maj 2011 15:46

Hans plats i rock'n'roll hall of fame är säkert, vilket är hans bara något bucklig förmögenhet, och ändå verkar det som alla Paul McCartneybehöver är kärlek.

Tre år efter hans andra äktenskap slutade i en bitter skilsmässa, fd Beatle, 68, är att ta steget - att tillkännage sin förlovning med sin flickvän Nancy Shevell, en 51-årig New Yorker.

McCartneys talesman Stuart Bell, bekräftade att den senaste tidens media spekulationer om en förestående förlovning med sin flickvän Nancy Shevell var sant, men vägrade att ge ytterligare detaljer om när och hur musikern föreslagna och sade endast: "Vi är alla glada för honom."

McCartneys första fru, Linda Eastman, en fotograf, dog i cancer 1998.De gifte sig 1969 och hon var krediteras med att införa honom till vegetarianism och djurrätt aktivism, och var också i hans band Wings.

McCartney gifte sig med sin andra fru, Heather Mills, en före detta modell, under 2002 och de skilde sig 2008. Efter att ha begärt en £ 125m uppgörelse tilldelades hon £ 24,3 miljoner.

Shevell sägs kommer bra överens med McCartneys fem barn, har medverkat på Stella McCartney modevisningar, prisutdelningar och på Sir Pauls konserter. Hon är en förmögen kvinna i sin egen rätt, sitter i styrelsen för New York Metropolitan Transportation Authority och är vice ordförande i ett familjeägt företag konglomerat.

Hon var gift i över 20 år till advokaten Bruce Blakeman, en nära vän till den tidigare New York-guvernören George Pataki, som utsåg henne till MTA styrelsen. Även hans andra äktenskap slutade i en rättssal strid med Mills, en före detta modell, förblir McCartney optimistiska om kärleksaffärer, enligt uppgift en kommentar till sin romans med Shevell: ". Jag gillar att vara kär"

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Av kozel baran - 7 maj 2011 15:44

Energiska online debatt om lämpligheten av den beniga-faced utlänningar - som kan radera minnet av alla möten med dem - har tvingat Steven Moffat, seriens författare och producent, att försvara dem. "Jag eftertryck tror att det är inte fallet," Moffat sade och förklarade att han testar historier om hans två primära ålder skolbarn. "Barn gillar att vara rädd - som om ett spöke tåg eller en berg-och dalbana, sade han. "De har alltid sagt varandra spökhistorier i mörkret." Nivån på scariness i Doctor Who är på rätt nivå för yngre tittare, enligt Moffat: "Detta är den typ av rädsla som kan hanteras av en man med stort hår och en fluga." I varje fall, sade han, Tystnaden är inte hans mest skrämmande skapande - denna titel bör gå till Weeping Angels, stenen personligheter som smyger upp till sina offer när de vänder ryggen. Oro har också samlat in över besvikelse tittarsiffrorna för den nya serien. De första siffrorna föreslog Doctor Who hade fällt ett stort antal tittare, med den nya serien debuterade med 6,5 miljoner tittare, en minskning från 7,9 miljoner 2010. Men när återuppspelat visning (av det slag som doktorn själv skulle säkert gilla) på personliga videoinspelare som Sky + beaktas, ökar den siffran till 8,9 miljoner så här långt. Det kan jämföras med en motsvarande 9.500 tusen för det första avsnittet av den sista serien. "Det var en mycket varm påsk och tittar på volymerna var nere i hela tv, säger Dan McGolpin, BBC1: s chef för schemaläggning. "Men de människor som missade det på grund av det fina vädret gjorde titta på det. "Doctor Who tittare är mycket kunniga och tittar, oavsett om det är live eller på iPlayer, eller på catch-up." " Vissa har också ifrågasatt komplexitet storylines - en av som innebär att doktorn har dött 200 år i framtiden. "Min yngsta son härledas allt. Nej, det är inte komplicerat, sade Moffat. "Naturligtvis måste man lyssna på det ordentligt, och det är inte något du bör hoppar ut och koka under - det är korrekt, krävande fiction, men gå in och läsa Harry Potter eller Alex Rider, dessa stora dörrstopp romaner är för.." Men för dem som fortfarande undrar om Tystnaden möjligen skulle kunna vara verklig och levande bland oss ​​- även om vi inte kan komma ihåg dem - denna veckas delen är en något mer glad affär. Doktorn och hans följeslagare hamna på en 17th-talet piratskepp kapten Hugh Bonneville.

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Av kozel baran - 7 maj 2011 15:41

Probablement quelques-unes des personnes que j'ai couché avec - mais je ne vais pas entrer dans ces eaux troubles, car, chose incroyable, ils sont tous encore en vie. Et peut-être si je n'avais pas refusé l'offre de traduire mon travail samedi à M & S dans un cours de gestion de vente au détail à temps plein quand j'étais un adolescent ... Mais les seins qui me hante est récente. J'ai été l'organisation d'un parti de gens des médias de grande envergure - pour ma propre auto-glorification, naturellement - et en particulier en voulait un grand nom pour parler à une autre grosse pendant qu'ils étaient là. J'ai envoyé Nom Big One à l'avance afin de s'assurer qu'ils se sont réunis et, comme je ne pouvais pas me rappeler comment épeler le nom de Two Big, je l'ai tapé dans la boîte de cc, de sorte que la reconnaissance automatique de me le rappeler. Ensuite, j'ai oublié de supprimer le cc avant d'envoyer, de sorte Nom Big Two a reçu une copie. Il n'aurait rien changé à l'exception, qui est, pour le PS guilleret que j'avais écrit "Vous trouverez qu'il a la pire haleine que vous avez jamais senti." Je pensais que je devais me tuer, mais la personne traitée avec lui style, simplement retourner le message avec le commentaire: ". Ne pense pas que cela était fait pour moi" J'ai demandé à un ami si je dois demander pardon, mais ils comptaient je ne mentionnent jamais l'incident à nouveau à tout le monde, moi y compris, et des excuses, il serait pire. Heureusement, la partie lésée ne semble pas rancunier, mais la mortification m'a fait reconsidérer toute l'affaire d'être dire que les gens sur les autres pour élever rires. J'ai commencé à réfléchir longuement et sérieusement sur la façon dont je prends le genre de critique que je pourrais infliger à d'autres. Il m'a aussi appris à ne jamais email compère quand vous êtes énervé (j'avais eu une couple de verres). Mais cela n'a pas stoppé mon indiscrétion phénoménale. Si vous jouez avec le feu se brûle, et je préfère avoir des ennuis à l'occasion de jouer en toute sécurité. Comme disait Oscar Wilde, la seule chose pire que d'être parlé est pas parlé. Donc, la prochaine fois que quelqu'un décide de s'amuser en criant que mes fesses a l'air grand en ce que, je vais réagir avec sérénité élégante.

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Av kozel baran - 7 maj 2011 15:39

Gary Lineker bröstvårtor. Gary Lineker bröstvårtor. Vill du att jag ska sluta skriva "Gary Lineker bröstvårtor" nu? I en ny låg för Walkers chips och dess anknytning till sport vingmuttern-cum-skådespelare, ser vi Gary jogga längs en strand med bröstet ut sin vita linneskjorta flaxa öppet avslöja ... ja, jag ska inte skriva in det igen. Men jag kan säga dig att de rör sig oberoende från resten av honom. Detta olidlig promo funktioner Gary kläm mellan ett kärlekslöst äktenskap med Elle Macpherson och hans brinnande passion för Walkers "nya rynka-cut snacks. Elle blickar längtansfullt på honom från klipporna, medan han fantiserar om i sängen, efter coitally, täckt av salta snacks, som om han kan nu producera endast ren potatis från hans slangfästet pistol. Det är en hyllning till dem som särskilt un-ironiskt pop videor av 90-talet med vissa sekvenser som direkt nick till Take That's Be (den vita sanden, bålen blinkar, och de två-handed skrevet-låsning). Och ännu en annons som antyder en person älskar en produkt så mycket han vill ha sex med det. Denna typ av missriktade personifiering kan bara resultera i en sak: en nation förenade i tyst plåga eftersom det bilder fd England anfallaren med sin gamle vän i en skarp väska. Räkcocktail? Vid upplösningen, Elle håller sig undan med Gary's crinkles gömmor, lämna honom nedslagen på uppfarten, då hans motorcykel exploderar. När han är silhuetter i den efterföljande eldklot det ser ut som han tänt en stor potatis-inducerad fis. Och det är framhävda av en hemsk cover av en Groovy Kind of Love som Gary mimar med till en tända ljus piano. Phil Collins, mannen på potatis bädd åtgärder, och vacklande spenar? Jag har tappat aptiten.

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Av kozel baran - 7 maj 2011 15:38

Det sista jag hörde av Francis, var han diamant-mining i Madagaskar ", kommenterar Chelsea socialist Caggie till kamrat Millie i nya strukturerade verkligheten tvål Made In Chelsea (måndag, 10:15, E4). Jag kan inte föreställa Francis Boulle, 21, "mining" dåliga. Jag gissar att hans roll i att strippa bas naturrikedomar ut i sydöstra Afrika var mer mix administrativa., helst han iväg till Hamptons för att spela: polo nu. Mining och polo är en hästarna få MALLIG om dessa små hissar. håll, Atherton, 20, är Amber gängning pärlor på tråd att göra halsband. Precis som en miljon andra tonårsflickor, utom Amber satsning är naturligtvis, "en verksamhet" med en flotta Chelsea lanseringsfest och ton av vackra täckning eftersom Ambers bästa kamrat är prinsessan Dianas brorsdotter, Lady Kitty. Lite som om alla små flickor i Rotherham med tapetsering tabeller och Fanta flaskor full av rosenblad vatten kunde få Max Clifford i att göra sitt doft PR. Andra Chelsea gjutna medlemmar inkluderar Ollie, som arbetar i "händelser" (han har en Windows urklipp utanför en bar och vänder sig bort dålig söker personer), Frederik, den "internationella modellen" (liknar en liten, utsvultna Mick Hucknall), Binky ", en berömd Party Girl "(det är bara" en FYLLO "där jag kommer ifrån) och Rosie Fortescue, en" Gossip Girl "(har den mentala kapaciteten att komma ihåg vad som hände upp till 12 timmar sedan). Jag hade en svag för det enda sättet är Essex och är i den andliga marknadsplats för mer allomfattande öga skum. Och jag älskar att titta posh barn. Låt oss dokumentera dem kärleksfullt som de fisa runt London i årtionden, bortskämda av stora klumpar av ärvda förmögenhet, upptryckt med släktband, hopkrupen tätt i livets tätt buk, bara för att se ut som vackra fjärilar i mitten av 30-talet i styrelserummet, i "thinktanks", kommittéer, och i Houses of Parliament informera oss hur livet är verkligen gillar. "Klipp detta avfall! Sluta med det, du! Tillbaka till arbetet, alla! Chop chop! Låt oss läka innerstäderna!" I Episode One, sitter Francis för ett porträtt han har beställt och stirrade mästerligt på en jordglob. "En dag här Allt blir klart," Francis säger mystiskt. Eller som "mystisk" som avsikter en död ögon diamant arvtagare kan samtidigt dregla på en karta som en fet barn eyeing en Toby stekrestaurang. Senare, Francis och Frederik blåsa av spindelnät med lite rodd längs Themsen, pustande och flämtande i fuktiga våtdräkter som klumpig halvgudar de är. Under tiden, i en närliggande vindsrummet, kämpar journalistiska Trouper Rosie över hennes skvallersidor. "Jag måste få på alla de rätta namn och sånt, säger hon, att skriva en massa gamla cack med två fingrar över 12 timmar för någon stackars jävel REDAKTÖR att hacka i form. Jag har sett framtiden för detta land nu att den naturliga politiska ordningen har återställts, och det är ljust och hoppfullt! Men stadsboende är brutal. Fyra dagar i Chelsea med alla sina Pol Roger champagne, specialbutiker ljus, chips polenta och Ferrari rök är nog för någon. "Jag kan inte ta staden längre!" Ollie tjuter till Rosie och Binky som de flyr till en av sina föräldrars hus, som ska insvept i filtar med en sprakande brasa i tre dagar återvinna deras inre styrka. "Jag kommer till den punkt där jag bara inte kan ta trottoarer, säger stackars körda Rosie," Jag behöver se fält! " Det är ironiskt, egentligen, eftersom hon inte mer smart, begåvad eller vacker än Amy från det enda sättet är Essex team, men för Rosie hennes förstfödslorätt innebär att gräset alltid, alltid vara grönare.

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Av kozel baran - 7 maj 2011 15:36

En av biverkningarna av medelåldern njuter trädgårdsskötsel och bor i på fredagskvällarna. Och varannan natt för den delen, även om det är saken här. Så en timme med Monty Don tillbringade traipsing runt andra personer är ganska stora trädgårdar är aldrig mindre än ett nöje, som Don är en av den sällsynta rasen presentatörer som inte tillåter sitt ego ska stå i centrum, hans entusiasm och kunskap ligger till grund för berättelsen och bilderna, snarare än tvärtom.

Efter att ha tagit oss runt Florens, Rom och södra Italien, slutade Don serien i norra delen av landet. Och i de bästa traditionerna i den 19: e-talet Grand Tour, har Don resa lagt tonvikten på den kulturella snarare än trädgårdsodling i trädgårdsodling. Om du vill veta hur man odlar de bästa tomater, titta Gardener's World, om du vill veta att tomater är icke-infödda till Italien och att det tog venetianarna år att inse att du faktiskt kan äta frukterna av dessa märkliga växter som handlarna hade fört tillbaka från Sydamerika, sedan håll ögonen öppna.

Börjar i Orto Botanico i Padua, världens äldsta trädgård tillägnad studiet av växternas medicinska egenskaper, med i Villa Pisani i Stra, annekterade egendom i Lucca av Napoleon för sin syster Elisa, multimiljon euron sjön villor av George Clooney och Richard Branson och likvidation på Isola Bella på Lago Maggiore, var gårdagens avsnitt en lektion i italiensk historia från renässansen till idag berättas genom sina trädgårdar.

Fascinerande som det var att se hur italienarna jämställs både exotiska växter och influenser landskapsarkitektur från hela världen i sina egna distinkta trädgård identitet, det mest anmärkningsvärda för mig personligen var hur Don lyckades göra mig se det vackra i buxbomshäckar. Normalt en glimt av en formell layout med prydligt klippta häckar - Don visade oss en att två trädgårdsmästare tillbringa fyra månader om året skärning med sax - har jag vill springa, men jag fann mig själv kommer runt till idén. Är detta början av ålderdom för mig, eller är jag bara en annan att ha fallit under Dons stava?

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